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I can think of at least half a dozen times when the squiggly line and dot have saved me as a leader over the past ten years. I paused, parked what I wanted to say, and found a way to frame a question to seek clarity and to engage. I didn’t save myself every time, as my quick trigger got the best of me on occasion, but I do keep the question mark close at hand as I put more rings around the trunk.
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What good comes from a question mark?
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People learn. People share their knowledge. People think. People become engaged when they may not have been. People feel respected.
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What happens when we don’t use this lovely symbol?
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We react harshly with a statement rather than ask a clarifying question. We conclude that we have the answer to the problem rather than ask those around us what they think. We assume when we shouldn’t – when a question would have revealed information that would have brought greater clarity to an important situation.
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Another benefit is that question marks allow us to be curious. Curiosity is a healthy state of mind. Leaders are better off when dealing with “bad” behavior to include an element of curiosity. Asking yourself, “why are they behaving this way”, rather than, “stop this behavior immediately”, will serve you well. Coaches should do this more. So should parents. Maybe parents most of all.
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So, if you are up for the challenge, do two things over the next month:
- The next time someone in your life is doing something that makes you angry or simply confuses you, be curious.
- At work and at home try asking more questions rather than making statements and I will guarantee you will be rewarded with solutions to problems, a more engaged relationship with people important to you and possibly learning something you didn’t know.
